Why do I say yes when I really want to say no? Why do women, more often than men, gravitate toward people pleasing? I found myself asking these questions and thus pondering: What do I think I’m accomplishing when I’m so agreeable? What am I actually accomplishing? To take it a step further, I pondered the reverse: What am I actually accomplishing when I’m being more controlling?
As we start Season 5 of Leadership Is Feminine, I want to focus on a time of change and some decompression from the pressures we’ve all been under. One definite source of pressure as leaders is people pleasing, as is the opposite, which I term people depleting. This is when people are demanding and controlling, so they themselves can be the one pleased. An interesting fact is that we can find ourselves on either side, depending on the issue and circumstances. But no matter what side we’re on, we can help mitigate the resulting pressure when we better understand people pleasing and controlling as leaders.
“You’re saying yes… not to please the other person. You’re saying yes… because you don’t want to experience your own discomfort of saying no… So who are we really pleasing in the moment? And are we really pleasing anybody?” – Kris Plachy
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